"Broken" People, the Most Valuable Human Asset in Ministry

I have written previously about the "Christian happy face", I have written about the masks that are worn in churches, I have written about poor community.

These things frustrate all frustrate me.

However, the way people who are perceived as “broken” are overlooked, sidelined and mistreated in ministry is something that actually doesn't frustrate me. It makes me mad.

Wake up church leaders!! The people you are reaching out to, the ones you run your evangelistic nights for. They're “broken” too.

Many of them don't know that they are, so blinded by sin that they can't see where their road is taking them. Others know perfectly well the state that they're in even if they don't recognize the cause.

And we would rather sideline those on our team who through their experiences are best equipped to empathize and minister to those people

Really? Is it really so important to present a strong front to the people around us that we would prefer to gloss over the greatest gifts we have in our teams?

See that guy who has a long and painful history of struggling with porn

He's probably better equipped than you to talk to the youth about porn, lust, their impacts and God's will than you. You might be the minister with the theology degree but you're 20 years older than the people you are talking to, you've been married for most of those 20 years and consequently you can't meet the youth where they're at.

See that girl who's struggled with the eating disorder?

She's the best equipped person in your team to talk to women about body image and the way that can affect young women. She can talk to them about coping with the pressures of body image from the perspective of someone who has had to survive them. You grew up in a time when knees were scandalous.

That guy with the scars on his wrists?

Who better to talk about depression in a Christian context than someone who has and is living it? 

These people are great blessings to our ministries. But there's a cost attached. You see these people are also still fighting their various battles. They, like everyone else, need the love and support of those around them and particularly the church hierarchy. So what if she can't do Sunday school because she meets with her therapist Sunday mornings? Those meetings are helping her to recover from a life threatening illness. She has other gifts you can use. Don't dismiss her as weak!

And him? He doesn't stay around after church on Sunday nights because he takes medication for his depression which makes him tired and actually helps him sleep. Sure he's not heaps involved in your post church community but he's playing with fire skipping his meds on Friday nights so he can be up till 10:30 pastoring his youth boys and then helping to pack up afterwards.

These people are not weak, they are stronger than most, they have survived and they have come out the other side of their trials not just with their faith intact but having learnt firsthand how to do so. Their experiences give them a unique insight into what others in similar situations are going through and how best to help them. They are usually best equipped to know what to say and do and what to not say and do.

But they also need a little bit of extra love and compassion. They need flexibility with regards to where and how they use their unique gifts. We must treasure them for the blessing they are. Because they are a living, talking testament to everything we teach. They are a walking demonstration of the power, love and grace of God.

Don't waste them by sidelining them or being so rigidly unaccommodating they step down from those ministries they are doing. Let God bless your ministry through them, and do it in a way which allows them to be at their best for those ministries they do.

Besides they're not even broken, they've been made whole by the blood of Christ. We just can't see it yet

**Please note: The examples given are just that, examples. There are some ministers who are fantastic at reaching youth on these issues and I in no way wish to demean that.

“If you have a choice between being right and being love, choose the latter.”

There are many facets of life about which Christians have strong opinions.
These opinions come from our understanding of Biblical truths.

And that's good.

But often I fear that we forget that while we are called to speak the truth, we are called to do so in love.

Far too often I feel that we are far better at speaking the truth as we see it in tactlessness.

Examples of this include:

"Oh my gosh, how can anyone murder their own child?" (abortion)

"They have surrendered themselves to utter depravity of mind and soul!" (homosexuality)

"I don't understand how they can claim to know Jesus and be depressed…" (mental illness)

Is love, the gracious love of Jesus Christ, at the very heart of these statements?

I beg you, Christians of the 21st century, particularly those using the internet, think before you comment! Think of how what you're saying might come across to someone who has been through or is going through the thing that you are talking about. Think whether what you are saying is going to express your honest opinion lovingly or hurtfully.

To use abortion as an example.

I know women who have had abortions. You probably do too, even if they haven't told you about it. For some of these women, their decision was made because they felt pressured, were misinformed, or mentally in a terrible place.

The impact of their decision is ongoing. Some have suffered depression and other mental illnesses as a result of their mind tormenting them over their decision.

And then you call them a ‘murderer’.

You rub salt into an open wound.

You add to their pain and suffering.

You give them another reason to hate themselves for their decision.

I'm glad that you got your opinion out, Christian on the internet. But, unfortunately, you may well have done far more harm than good.You have taken an issue you are objectively opposed to and you have brutally cut down a subjective victim of that issue. You make them faceless, nameless, and you dismiss their plight for the sake of your being ‘Biblically correct’.

The same can be said for homosexuality. Many people with same sex attraction who attend or are involved in churches hide deep in the closet.

Why? Because they constantly see people talking about how disgusting, depraved, vile they are. They are subjected to incessant comments about how people don't understand how anyone could like "that".

The end result? You drive them out, and without even knowing that you're doing it. You drive vulnerable children of God out of your churches and into the arms of a world which does not practically (in other words, with their words and actions) hate them. I have heard Christians wax lyrical about the high rate of mental illness in the homosexual community with not a thought to the possibility that their very words might be contributing to that very struggle in a listener’s life. And this makes me want to hit you over the head with an ironing board.

I fear that this is exactly what many Christians do, albeit most of the time without even knowing (which does not make it excusable), when they start their comment wars on social media. And I know that I haven't been as tactful as I should. I am no saint. But I know firsthand the damage that can be done.

Obviously there are plenty of other examples I could use.

But hopefully you get the point from this.

So please, please, please think about the impact of what you're saying, posting, commenting before you say, post or comment it.

Rather than telling you, Christian, what you should do, I’ll leave you will a story that may (or may not) be familiar to you…

The Christians brought a woman who had just had her child aborted before their King, making her stand in front of everyone who was looking on. ‘Jesus,’ they said, ‘this woman was caught murdering her unborn child. In the Bible, it tells us that all human life is sacred and that even an unborn child is loved by God. This woman should be condemned! What do you say?’

He stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding him for an answer, so he stood and said: ‘You who has never done any wrong will be the one to condemn her first.’

Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.

When they heard this, one by one they left, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus and the woman who was to be condemned were left.

When Jesus stood up again, he said to the woman: ‘Where are they? Did not one of them condemn you?’

She answered: ‘No one, Lord.’

Jesus replied: ‘Nor do I.’

Fred Phelps: I want to party in heaven with you.

I know. It's a strange title.
Some background then before I start.

Fred Phelps was the "pastor" of the highly controversial Westboro Baptist Church. A rabidly bigoted church not affiliated with any actual denomination. Their website is godhatesfags.com and their fame comes from picketing the funerals of children, soldiers and celebrities. In all not a very nice group of people.

You might be thinking from the title of this post and my use of past tense that Fred Phelps (Snr) is deceased. You'd be wrong...possibly...subject to when you're reading this I guess.

Mr Phelps Snr is at the time of writing, seriously ill and in hospital in Kansas where his church is based, is still alive.

But he's apparently been excommunicated from the church he founded.

Some would find the irony amusing, I admit I had a chuckle.

But it says a lot about the man that his legacy is a family that choose to cut ties with an elderly and apparently very ill man who has been their leader for decades and to go as far as to excommunicate him.

The Point?

I don't hate Fred Phelps. I used to. I used to want to drop him and his family down a sinkhole and sell tickets to people to watch the whole lot of them turn on each other as they starved.

But I don't hate him anymore

Say WHAT?!?

It's true, because I realised something. As unlikely as it is, it's possible that Fred's excommunication is a result of hum truly turning to Christ and repenting of the life he has lead.

And even if it's not. I want to see Fred truly come to Christ.

Why?

Several reasons

1. God loves all people. Even those who hate him. The fact is that “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Whether I like someone or not, God thought they were worth dying for. How then can I say that they are anything less that important to God? Should I arrogantly declare my own judgement of a man I confess I have never met to be better than the judgement of God who knew him before he was born?
2. Guess who influenced the majority of the New Testament? A guy named Paul. He wrote a lot of the letters and his contemporary and personal physician, Luke, wrote two of the longest sections of the New Testament. The Books of Luke and Acts.
3. But before he became Paul, he was a Jewish teacher of the law named Saul. Who hated Christians so much that he actually asked for permission to seek out christians and have them killed. If God can save him and use him so powerfully how can we then write off anyone simply because their actions are hateful?
4. I’m just as bad as Fred.Sure I've never picketed a funeral and don't hate homosexuals at all let alone with every fibre of my public figure. But in God’s eyes I am a sinner just like Fred. The only way I can condemn him to hell is to do the same for myself. If God cannot save him then how can I believe he will save me?

Because the fact of the matter is that God is love, and he calls on us to love like Him. And it’s hard but it’s what we are called to do.

So I'm praying for Fred Phelps Senior, I pray that he will recover from his illness, that he will come to a true and saving knowledge of the Gospel and that such a change would take place in his life and heart that he, like Paul would be a powerful tool for God.

I pray that on the last day I will party in heaven with Fred Phelps.

The Grass is Brown on our side of the fence...Mostly

Church should be a place where people feel safe.

Youth group should be a place where people can be honest.

Bible Study should be a place where people don't pretend.

Prayer triplets should be a place where people can share.

Bible College should be a place where people feel accepted.

They're not.

Well… at least a lot of the time they're not.

You can scroll down to read my views on Christians playing pretend.

But this post isn't actually about those Christians.

I want to address the root cause of the Christian happy face, one reason for the high levels of undiagnosed treatable mental illnesses amongst Christians, one reason that many passionate and godly Christians walk out or fall away.

Poor community.

This is something which is becoming a bit of a soapbox for me. Why? Because I talk to a lot of Christians, some of the conversations I have are a result of my pastoral care work however more and more I am hearing from friends about the sorry state of our community.

And it saddens me, more than that, it breaks my heart.

I want to preface the rest of this post by making it clear that not all Christian community drives me to despair. I was really encouraged that, when one of the kids from a congregation I attend went missing and their pastor put it on Facebook, some 15 odd people from that congregation headed into the city to look for him. It was massively encouraging to see the community of Christ come together out of love for the boy and his family, who are their family.

I wish I heard more stories like this.

But most of the stories I hear aren't like that. For the most, part it seems that many many churches and Christian communities get community so incredibly wrong. And a major part of that is poor pastoral care. Both training in pastoral care and practice of pastoral care.

It should not be possible for someone to withdraw from a church for two months and have no one follow them up.

It should not be that when someone withdraws from people in dealing with life's curveballs that people respond by withdrawing because "You clearly don't want to be friends”.

It should not be that a member of the congregation can be sitting in a church full of people and feel completely alone.

But this is how many Christians seem to find themselves.

Alone… left out… forgotten… abandoned.

The saying goes that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. But if the grass is our community then for the most part it is brittle and brown anyway. Scorched by the sun and leached of nutrients. It lacks water, and it lacks life. Sure, we can spray paint it green but we can't hide the stinking decay that hides underneath.

Why is this the case? Well, it’s kind of obvious, Christians are broken people just like everyone else. They are sinners. Self-consumed, prideful, hateful. And when you get them together, it’s like a a stew of ugliness. That’s just how it is. But there’s more to the Gospel than just the Fall.

So what can we do? Now, here it gets tricky, because there’s a bit of a duality. On the one hand, as stated above, you have complex, wretched sinners that make up the body of Christ. On the other, you have not only the perfect example of Jesus Himself, but the power of the Holy Spirit and God’s faithfulness to His promises to enable Christians to live out that example well (John 14:15-17; 16:13). So while there’s no easy fix for this, the answer is glaringly simple, and is made up of a combination of these:

1. Push into Jesus, into who He is, the Lamb and the Shepherd, and don't pull back until your are utterly aware of your sinfulness and lostness and inability to help anyone, let alone yourself, without Him.
2. Pray that you would have His heart for the world and the people on it. ‘Break my heart for what breaks Yours, everything I am for Your Kingdom’s cause’ sort of thing. Ask Him to transform you, your way of thinking, of being.
3. And go. Motivated by His love for you, go and be love to anyone, everyone you see around you. Listen to them, laugh with them, cry with them, shout them coffee (even, no, especially when you can't really afford it), make meals, be welcoming, care for their troubles, pray for them, bless them in whatever way you can. Do what Jesus would do. Because He loves you, you can love Him and you can love them.

And in all of this, you end up realising that IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. It’s all about Jesus. Because when it’s all about Him, it’s all about the broken, and the lost, and the needy. It’s all about love, and compassion, and generosity, and kindness until it hurts. But you won’t even noticed you’re hurting because you’re too busy loving and giving and being blessed by that (that’s the amazing counterintuitive way that God works!)

Be blessed. Bless others.

Loving Someone You Disagree With

The Bible clearly commands us to love, and not to love our job or our car or our cat. We are commanded to love each other. Which isn't that hard if we stay in our Christian bubble, never leaving the confines of our Christian community and avoiding wherever possible the awkwardness of being confronted with our own sinfulness or anyone else's. Unfortunately for our love of the comfortable, apart from a bunch of quasi Christian cults you only know about from current affairs shows, real life isn't like that. Which means that we regularly come into contact with people who we disagree with, often people we REALLY disagree with. And usually they also disagree with us. I know it's shocking. The problem for us is that as Christians we are commanded to love, this is kinda fundamental.We are commanded again and again in the Bible to love, and not just to love but to love as Christ loved us and as he demonstrated in his life and ministry on earth. And why did Jesus come in the first place? Because God loved.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16)

God sent Jesus because He loves us, Jesus and the apostles command us over and over throughout the New Testament to love our neighbours and each other, the very life and earthly ministry of Christ is upheld as being about love and it is this example that we are called to follow. 

Surely though, when the Bible says to love our neighbours it's referring to those like us?
Fair point...Jesus thought of that argument though

You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matthew 5:43-44)

That's right, Jesus himself clearly commands us as Christians to love and even pray for our enemies. Now a legalist could argue that since I am writing about loving people you disagree with and not about your enemies that passage is moot. To which I say that if Matthew 5:43-44 tells us how to treat our enemies, then we should be expected to treat those we merely disagree with even better.

But it's really really hard to love people who disagree with us. Often they are slandering us, making fun of us and debating every minor point of what we say for no other reason than for their own entertainment. 

Surely God knows this and we can move on to something else now?

Surely he recognises the love that is shown by not rearranging their faces with our knuckles and that's sufficient?

Yes! But we are called to love them in spite of this. We aren't called to love their views, we aren't called to like what they're saying, but we are called to love the person. Because whether we agree with them or not they are still made in the image of God and Jesus died for them too.

Yeah it's hard. You know what else is hard?
Getting crucified and not just facing one of the most horrific execution methods in history but taking upon yourself the sins of the world at the same time. If Jesus had decided that it was too hard to love us the way God does then we'd all be on a direct train to hell, do not pass go do not collect $200. Luckily for us Jesus wasn't as selfish as we are. He did go to the cross and die for the sins of a world that rejected him, he did take upon himself the sins of the whole world because he loved us that much.

This is great but I'm not Jesus so how does this apply to me you ask?
Jesus' life and ministry on this earth is an example of how we are to live. Jesus ate with tax collectors and hung out with prostitutes, both people doing things that God is clearly against. Following that example in a modern context might look like having lunch with that really irritating atheist who just wants to tear everyone else down or grabbing a coffee with that christian who's plastering their fundamentalist beliefs all over facebook and offending all in sundry in the process. Maybe following Christ's example in a modern context looks like reading up on the topics that those people who you disagree with are passionate about so that you can lovingly and tactfully discuss what you believe about those things with them. They may not go away agreeing with you but you are able to learn from them and them from you, shockingly it's even possible to be friends with people you disagree with. 

You disagree? Tell me again about how all your friends at school were christians from your denomination who believed exactly what you believed with no disagreement whatsoever.
Unless you were homsechooled, the above statement should clearly ring false. Almost all of us already have friends we disagree with to some degree.

Sydney Minister Dr John Dickson puts it succinctly I think "If you can't see how it is possible to love someone at the same time that you profoundly disagree with them and their life course, it isn't love you're trying to imagine. At least, it isn't the love of Christ."