"Ex-gay Ministry...Satan in Christian Clothing

“Not everyone who says to me ‘Lord, Lord’ will enter the kingdom of Heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’”

Matthew 7:21-23

Jesus makes inescapably clear the uncomfortable truth that not everyone who claims to do ministry in God's name is serving Him or doing His will, even if they appear to be successful in their ministry. He goes as far as to label those who minister in his name without doing God's will "evildoers". We can see examples of this in "ministries" such as those weird quasi Christian cults that sometimes grace current affairs shows on a slow night, we see in in ministers (particularly in America) who get on their TV shows to express and promote racism, anti-Semitism or bigotry, we see it in the Prosperity teachings of the likes of Joel Osteen or the infamous actions of the Westboro Baptist Church in Kansas. But sometimes these "evildoers" are more insidious, slipping through the cracks, and worse sometimes mainstream Christianity is fooled into endorsing or supporting their ministry.

But what makes a ministry "evil"?

There are some pretty basic things we can use to judge if a ministry is not good. If God is not glorified, if His people are not built up, if Jesus is not the focus and the centre it is not good. If it does harm or is not consistent with the example of Christ's life on earth then it is not good. I would go so far as to say that if it pushes people away from Christianity then it is not good, certainly the gospel divides and even lovingly proclaiming the gospel can push people away in some respects however there is a difference between someone walking out knowing they need to do something and not being willing to do it and a ministry which leaves people's faith in such a state that they want nothing to do with Christianity...which I guess isn't pushing them away from faith so much as tearing it apart.

I contest that a ministry that is focused on the individual, is not Bible based or drives people from the church goes beyond merely being "bad". The Enemy seeks to tear down God's church and drive out His people, which makes any ministry that does these things satanic...they are doing Satan's work not God's.

Satanic!?!?!

Now I obviously don't mean Satanic in the sense of the pentacle loving, occult ritualist, Latin speaking Goths that Hollywood is so fond of. Rather I think that those who do ministries such as these do not even realise that they are serving the one they call "enemy". Those running the ministries may think that they're serving God but in fact they seem to be actively going against his Biblical commands. Which I guess is why we call Satan "The Deceiver" and the "Father of Lies".

Getting to the point...

In my experience of pastoral care as well as chatting with both Christians and non-Christians of varied beliefs and backgrounds, one sure-fire inevitability is that the topic of homosexuality will come up. It's a pretty common topic of conversation at the moment and when Christianity and homosexuality comes up in conversation it's usually not long before someone asks about ex-gay ministries. Just in case the title was vague I classify ex-gay ministry under the heading of "satanic “and "evil", hence at points the use of quotation marks around the word "ministry".

Over the remainder of this post I intend to systematically and clearly demonstrate why I believe this.

First however. What the blazes is "Ex-gay Ministry?

Colloquially and somewhat crassly referred to as "pray the gay away” ministry, ex-gay ministry is an umbrella term for ministries which are focused on helping people eliminate homosexual desires and develop heterosexual attraction. The ultimate goal is to help people transition from same-sex attraction to opposite-sex relationships. These ministries offer anything from simple prayer to support groups to counselling/psychological intervention and rely heavily on people who formerly identified as same-sex attracted who claim to have eliminated that attraction and testify to the success of the ministry. These people are usually one of the weakest points of the ministry, numerous news stories of these spokespeople being found engaged in "compromising activities" can be found online, some of these stories have literally caused the end of the program the person caught out was endorsing.

So...Those Objections...

1.     It doesn't work.

This is pretty self-explanatory based off the heading but I want to explain and back up the statement. Let me be abundantly clear right from the offset, I do not deny the possibility that someone could experience a change in their sexual orientation or attractions, all things are possible with God after all. I believe that human sexuality has a degree of fluidity that allows for change and that God can and does use that.

HOWEVER!!!

There is no empirical or statistical evidence that these ministries have any significant success in achieving their goal of changing an individual's sexual orientation. This is best supported by a statement by the National Association of Social Workers (USA) that "No data demonstrates that reparative or conversion therapies are effective, and in fact they may be harmful”*. Many who claim to experience change as a result of ex-gay ministry have found themselves backsliding which is pretty brutal for them and can shatter any family they have built in the interim. The internet is full of stories of people who have not maintained the change they have claimed to experience, there is a whole section of the Wikipedia page on ex-gay ministry which talks about these people. The best example to support this claim is the former CEO of well-known ex-gay ministry Exodus International, Alan Chambers, who has publically admitted that though he loves and is devoted to his wife he still feels an attraction to men.

While all things are possible with God, ex-gay ministry fails to substantiate its claims and sadly there is an overwhelming amount of evidence that it is not a successful vehicle for bringing about change in sexuality.

*Just the Facts about Sexual Orientation and Youth: A Primer for Principals, Educators and School Personnel.

Page 9
Published by the American Psychological Association

2.     It Rejects the Sovereignty of God

All ministries make promises. The problem with ex-gay ministry is that the promises they make do not align with God’s, because the promises they make are either supplementary to God’s promises (as if His were insufficient, and lacking in assurance in this one area) or completely replace God’s promises (neglecting the sufficiency of all of God’s promises which are a triumphant “Yes!” in Jesus Christ).

Now, if a promise made by a ministry either supplements or replaces God’s promises, the result therein is that that same ministry also rejects the sovereignty of God and tries to replace it with their own.

Please do not get me wrong: it is good for us to pray to God and to ask Him for things, and we know He hears our prayers and He loves us. However, it is evident that ex-gay ministry promises that through them (i.e. through the ex-gay ministry) God will change someone’s sexual orientation. This is not a promise that they can make. Just as much as I cannot promise that through my praying for you, you will come out of bankruptcy, be free from anxiety, marry that boy or girl, or no longer have to live on the streets. It is simply not my call to make – it is His.

Our prayer should always be "Thy will be done not mine".

Here is what God does promise to change. He says “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 36:26).

This promise is not specific to sexual attraction, but rather about how God will (because HE promises to) take our sinful heart that is hardened to Him and rejects Him and replace it with a heart that loves him.

And sure, it is total possible that sexual attraction can change, I’ve already said it above and the evidence of Paul’s letter to the Christians in Corinth attests to the fact that change has happened in certain people in that church. But it is not a promise that explicitly is made in the Bible and therefore is not a promise we can nor should be making on God’s behalf, nor holding God accountable to.

The comfort in that is this: God is ultimately in control. And that is a beautiful thing because He is trustworthy and good, regardless of whether one’s sexuality changes or not. Heck, I know people who are same-sex attracted who consider their sexuality to be a way in which God glorifies Himself through them, their life and their choices. Not because of their sexuality but because it gives them a witness to the people around them that Jesus is far more important, and He has the call on their identity and their entire lives. To me, that is trusting in the sovereignty of God.

3.     It can turn faith into religion*

"God wants the best for his people. If you're Christian, if you truly love God then He will change you. If you pray enough, if you truly have the Spirit, if you fast enough or memorise enough passages of scripture, if you just believe enough then God will give you what you want” Sound familiar? It's pretty much the Prosperity Heresy that is preached in some churches where money is God and God is your servant.

It's unbiblical and goes against so much of what Christ says to the religious leaders in the Gospels. It's about doing things to get things. That paragraph looks like a massive digression hey? But many ex-gay ministries do the same thing, it becomes about doing their therapy, their prayer support group, their program, their ministry and by doing these things you will get the outcome you want. It's all about doing. This isn't how Christianity works!! We can be in relationship with God because of what Jesus did on the cross. He did the doing! We can't do anything to match that and in doing so save ourselves, we can't earn that freely given gift, it's a gift and we have done nothing to deserve it. There is no ritual that can make God love us, no prayer that can fix the damage that The Fall did to our relationship with God, no words or actions that can magically make things right with God. If there was then there would be no need for Jesus.

To promise that doing something will make God change someone's attractions undermines the message of the cross and ignores the price of our salvation. If God does change someone's sexual attraction then we can give God glory for an undeserved blessing and give that was entirely undeserved.

*There are some ministries which do focus on grace and how grace transforms. This blog post is too general to address the flaws and positives of individual ministries.

4.     It takes advantage of desperation

The majority of people who go through the therapies and programs offered by ex-gay ministries come from Christian saturated environments. Christian homes, Christian schools, Christian communities or churches. Because of their desires or attractions they are often ostracised, bullied, harassed, abandoned and in some cases even disowned because they don't fit in. They are desperate to be "normal" and to be just like everyone else. They know that God's will for creation and their lives isn't synced up with their own desires and actions and consequently the offer of change that ex-gay ministries gives is attractive. For many people the programs are a last ditch effort to become the person their society is telling them they need to be, some are motivated by the belief that this is their last hope for avoiding eternal damnation.

While these ministries grow out of good intentions, as I have shown above and will show below, they are taking advantage of the desperation and despair of those who use them. It may not be deliberate, as I've said many of these people honestly think they are serving God, but to go on ignoring the damage that these ministries do and the lack of evidence that they work is to go from sinning through ignorance to sinning wilfully.

5.     It is damaging

These actually apply to both those experiencing same-sex attraction and their supporters. The impacts of ex-gay ministry obviously hit chiefly on the people undergoing the programs but the people who love them and are supporting, financing, praying and encouraging them through the whole process are understandably also affected.

a)     To Faith.
If someone made a bunch of promises to you about what God wanted to do and in fact certainly would do, and then those promises weren't fulfilled would you follow their God? When promises are made on God's behalf and those aren't fulfilled people are left questioning whether God exists, and if He does how he could possibly be loving and caring if His promises are lies that He doesn't keep. If he wants them to change and He wants to change then then why is He leaving them in their current circumstances? Does He hate them? These questions, coupled with the failure of the religious actions discussed in point 3 to have any apparent affect unsurprisingly don't do good things for the life expectancy of one's faith.

b)     To trust.

i.          Of the individuals in the programs.
Those who go through the programs offered by ex-gay ministry generally have their trust broken. Their trust in God is damaged by His apparent refusal or inability to keep His promises. But so too is their trust in ministers, Christians and church hierarchy, really anyone seen to be endorsing the ministry they've been involved with. If the program used counsellors, psychologists or therapists then their trust in those professions can also be broken. The worst damage however is the hardest and most personal, if the parents or wider family supported or encouraged them to go through the program the trust of the whole family unit can fall apart. Likewise the above damage to trust can affect the friends, family and supporters of the individual going through the program.

ii.          Of the wider Christian community.
As has been touched on above, the trust of the friends, family and supporters of people who go through ex-gay programs can be damaged by these ministries. Imagine you're a parent; you support your child as they go through a program promising that God will make them heterosexual. You financially support them through the process. You do this because you love them and want what’s best for them. It fails. In much the same way as the same-sex attracted individual, a parent's trust in God, church and Christian leaders can be damaged. What if you've financially supported an ex-gay ministry? Would not the inability of that ministry to deliver its promised results damage your trust too? I wouldn't be financially supporting any ministries at all for a good while if I'd been burned like that and if I was to ever consider giving money to anything remotely ministry related I'd be doing a lot of digging and research before I gave them a cent.

c)     To Mental Health. Given what has been discussed so far I'm sure it comes as a complete shock that there is a strong potential for negative consequences with regards to mental health. The American Psychiatric Association has formally stated that undergoing ex-gay ministry can result in depression, anxiety and self-destructive behaviour. Often people are told as part of the program that "homosexuals are lonely, unhappy individuals who never achieve acceptance or satisfaction".* Sounds like a recipe for mental wellbeing right? (this is sarcasm just in case anyone thought that sentence was serious)

*Just the Facts about Sexual Orientation and Youth: A Primer for Principals, Educators and School Personnel.
Page 7
Published by the American Psychological Association

6.     Pretty much all respected psychological associations in Western nations oppose it.

I have referenced a paper several times already in this post that was published by the American Psychological Association. The paper deals specifically with sexual orientation and youth and has a section on "conversion therapy" which includes a list of American institutions opposed to ex-gay ministry, quoting formal statements by the institutions. Now obviously these institutions have bias right? Of course they do! They are secular associations made up of literally hundreds of people in the fields of psychology, psychiatry, social work, counselling etc. However before we dismiss their statements as a simple lack of Christian faith I think it's important to think about why they are opposed to this ministry specifically. They obviously don't hold Christian views on sexuality but reading the reasoning behind the opposition given in their formal statements it is clear that their objections aren't grounded in a secular dislike for religion but rather in the lack of evidence and the damage that is done. These institutions are not necessarily pro Christianity but they are not anti-Christian either. The sheer amount and range of opposition to ex-gay ministry is a pretty good indication that it's not psychologically safe for those who are participants.

What would Jesus do?
This really is the most important scale by which we should judge all ministries. I think Jesus would weep. We can see from Jesus' public ministry that he not only associated with people whose lives didn't match with God's will (prostitutes, thieves, tax collectors) but he loved them and went as far as to rebuke the Pharisees for their treatment of such people. Jesus shows us God's loving and missional heart for the deviants and the outcasts; he loves them in spite of their sinfulness and actively seeks them out. Does this mean he doesn't want them to repent and change their ways? NO! Of course he wants them to repent, he tells the woman caught in adultery in John 8 "Go, and sin no more" (John 8:11).

We were in the same category as that woman, as the other sinners that Jesus ministers to in the Gospels, those who aren't Christians but who are reading this still are. For us who are Christian, we have experienced change since meeting Jesus, predominantly through no work of our own. We need to trust God to work things out for His glory in His timing. God seeks out the poor, the crippled, the blind, the lame, the broken and the needy. The Parable of the Great Banquet in Luke 14(v15-24) shows us God's heart for those who we would and do look down our noses at or reject. Notice something from Jesus' life and the parable as well friends, God brings people into the Kingdom of Heaven not by demanding immediate overnight change (although that sometimes happens) but rather by loving them and accepting their genuine offerings of faith.

What's the practical application of this all for us?
We need to be loving and supporting our same-sex attracted brothers and sisters. We know that God can, has and will continue to change people to be more like Jesus and we need to trust that if they're Christian then wherever they're at right now is merely part of a journey that's final destination is Heaven. If change comes then we can give praise and glory to God for his blessings, if it doesn't then we can praise God that He is good and faithful and that we can have confidence that as hard as it is now there is a day coming when everything will be made right. We need to support our same-sex attracted brothers and sisters by encouraging them, loving them and praying for and with them. We need to let God do His powerful work.

All of these things we can and should be doing without putting them through ex-gay ministries.

In Conclusion.

The outcomes of ex-gay ministry, the impact that it has and the damage that it does to faith, mental health and trust is totally unacceptable. There is no biblical basis for such a ministry which does far more harm than good and where the good elements of the programs themselves would be best done within the relational context of individual church ministry. It is my hope that the points expressed in this post have illustrated that I am not a nutjob extremist who sees Satan in every shadow but rather a concerned Christian who cannot sit by and watch a ministry do so much harm in God's name. It may look Christian, it may call itself Christian, it may profess Christ but I believe that it well and truly falls under the label of "evildoers" given by Christ in Matthew 7 for those who claim to work in God's name but don't do His will.

Our God truly is an awesome God. His blessings are abundant and his grace is boundless. How awesome is it to know that we have a mighty and powerful God who hears our prayers and answers them. You oh lord are my joy in the darkness and my hope in the trial. Praise and glory and honour to you for all that you have done, are doing and will do

The Cross of Singleness

There are some areas where I think Christians generally tend to drop the ball. One of those areas is the topic of singleness and the way the Bible is interpreted and applied regarding singleness. I am often struck by the discrepancy between the way that Christians exalt marriage as though it is central to our purpose on this earth while at the same time preaching about the way the Apostle Paul upholds singleness. We often relegate singleness to the status of “fallback” or last resort as though it’s something that those who are single choose when they run out of options and in doing so we pity our single friends but then we hypocritically call singleness a “gift”.

The myth of the “gift”
I suppose in the end it comes down to our understanding of what a gift is, what is a gift for some may be a curse for others. I think singleness can be the same, there are certainly plenty of people out there who are happily and contentedly single. For those people maybe singleness is a gift. But for others it is a battle they face every day, they want nothing more than a relationship like what everyone around them seems to be having, and it just isn't happening, for some Christians relationship can become an idol.

Personally
And then there’s me, and this is why being pityingly informed that singleness is a gift is so frustrating. Because for me singleness isn’t a state I’m content in, but it’s also not a curse I feel like I can’t escape. For me singleness is my cross.

Sounds odd right? But bear with me.
Singleness may be a gift, but I don’t have it.
The type of relationship I want doesn’t line up with what I know God wants for me. Which leaves me with two options, I can either do what I want and ignore what God wants or  I can do what God wants at the cost of what I want. 
Jesus calls us to daily take up our cross and follow him. My singleness is part of me doing this.

"whoever wishes to be my disciple must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me" (Matthew 16:24)

What does it mean to “carry your cross”
I think the cross represents three things primarily. 
Humility, sacrifice and grace.
And this is why I class my choice of singleness as being part of my cross. The decision initially and then remaining committed to that choice in the face of the trials of life requires me to humble myself before God, recognising that He is greater than I and knows best I must humbly submit to his will. It requires me to sacrifice my desire for a relationship and everything that entails at the foot of the cross of Christ. That isn’t to say that He takes away my desire to be coupled but rather that in spite of my desire I surrender it. That’s why it’s called sacrifice.
Ok those first two kinda make sense but grace, I mean really come on!
In truth grace is the biggest of the three, because it is grace that allows me to carry the burden of the cross. It is the grace of God in sending Christ to die so that I could be His child, it is the grace of my christian friends who know they can’t fill the void but who love and support me and who often help me carry the weight. It is the grace of my ministers and youth leaders in loving me through the rough patches and not patronising me with how great the “gift” of singleness is.

I would like to think that I glorify God in this, I believe that every circumstance is part of God's plan and that my circumstances have come about for the same reason God brings about any circumstances. I would like to think that I glorify God in my life by showing that I care more about God than fulfilling my desires for that kind of relationship. 

Less personally
I do pastoral care stuff, many of the people I care for are single. And for them it sucks, they want to date. I said earlier that relationship can become an idol, some of you reading this probably laughed, you haven’t met my friends who are struggling with issues of self worth and self image because they feel like they’re facing rejection at every corner. I have had calls from people, girls and guys, in tears because of the crushing weight of the loneliness they feel.

Not only do these people have do deal with all of that, but they then go to church and see those cute couples holding hands as they sing, they get to hear all about the couples night coming up, some nights they get to hear about how great dating, marriage and sex are and how God wants everyone to get married and have lots of sex. 

Just in case I haven’t hammered this in enough let me be very clear, our churches can often be part of the problem!

And often at the end of a sermon on marriage and the wonders of sex and children and such, having endured all the coupled people obliviously being cutesy, they get to hear the “singleness is great too, go be a missionary” disclaimer that feels like more of an afterthought than a point in the sermon.

Tell me again about how I have the “gift” of singleness?

The take away
For me singleness is a choice and a sacrifice. To call it a gift is to make it something other than it is, it’s not something that I enjoy, in fact some days it downright sucks. To turn around and call what I experience a gift contradicts what I believe God is calling for me to do. 

For many in our congregations singleness isn’t a gift, it may be a circumstance and we know that in all things God is working for our good, but that doesn’t make it a gift. Any growing and learning that results can be called a gift bit I would not call singleness a gift in such a circumstance. If the mechanism by which we receive gifts is a gift then Christmas becomes a gift not because it reminds us of Christ’s birth and God’s plan, but rather Christmas could be seen as a gift because it results in gifts. 
Only one gift begets gifts, and that is the Holy spirit. We receive the Holy Spirit as a gift from God and through it we develop the fruits of the spirit and other gifts for the glory of God.

Oh and please stop trying to set us single people up....it's woefully depressing and adds pressure to couple that is unhelpful and can result in people pairing up forthe wrong reasons and much pain tends to ensue.

Yes singleness can be a gift. But it isn’t always a gift. Please stop going on about the great mythical gift of singleness. 

The Silence of God

Today a travesty was committed in this country. A disgusting breach of some of the most basic of human rights. Endorsed and supported by the government of Australia. A government lead by a man who calls himself a Christian.

HA!

What a joke! What sort of Christian supports locking a man up in prison for four freaking years? Today should have been the end of his imprisonment. Four years is an obscenely long time to leave someone to rot in so called "temporary detention. He wasn't scheduled for release, but that doesn't change what happened to him today.

Today he was forcibly relocated to another detention centre in the middle of Western Australia. 

He has been denied his freedom, he has been denied the compassion, love and grace that every person on this planet is entitled to.

This man has been driven to the point where today he tried to prevent his relocation by jamming his bed against the door. When that didn't work he tried the last option left to him. Escape. Not from the detention centre. But from life. He will bear the scars on his arms for the rest of his life. A reminder of the "better life" offered by our great, civilised, safe western country.

Why do I tell this story. Mostly because it makes me mad enough that the people on the train at the moment are giving me plenty of space because of the look on my face.

But also because it raises the question. 

Where is God in all this? Why does He not speak out against this disgusting degradation of those who are voiceless?

The answer is that he does. He speaks out through those of his people who, understanding love that he has for all people regardless of how they can to be where they are, speak out unashamedly and loudly against what is happening. These people speak in His name, they are His mouthpieces.

God knows, God hears and God has responded. His people should not and cannot stand silent while those less fortunate than is, those who have nothing left except hope are robbed of even that.

Christians hear me and hear me well. You are God's messengers in this world. You are his missionaries to the people around you. Do not be afraid. You stand in the same corner as The Lord Almighty. It may not seem like it today but there is a day coming. A day where all will be revealed, where there will be a reckoning. Woe to those who remained silent, on that day they will be exposed for the hypocrites that they are. For how can we claim to be the people of a God who is in nature love and who we know has a heart for the lost, the forsaken, the despised and not show that love?

Stand up Christians of the Australia! Speak out for what is right!! 

In the end God is in control. His love and care for the asylum seekers and the persecuted is boundless, far beyond ours. Even when we don't speak up, when we fail, God is in control. We have to trust that He has a plan and that even the crap stuff is part of that plan. But this is not an excuse to remain silent.

When it comes to Christians: "By their fruit you will know them" (Matthew 7:15-20)

What fruit will you bear?

"If they come for your innocent without crossing over your body, cursed be your religion"

"Broken" People, the Most Valuable Human Asset in Ministry

I have written previously about the "Christian happy face", I have written about the masks that are worn in churches, I have written about poor community.

These things frustrate all frustrate me.

However, the way people who are perceived as “broken” are overlooked, sidelined and mistreated in ministry is something that actually doesn't frustrate me. It makes me mad.

Wake up church leaders!! The people you are reaching out to, the ones you run your evangelistic nights for. They're “broken” too.

Many of them don't know that they are, so blinded by sin that they can't see where their road is taking them. Others know perfectly well the state that they're in even if they don't recognize the cause.

And we would rather sideline those on our team who through their experiences are best equipped to empathize and minister to those people

Really? Is it really so important to present a strong front to the people around us that we would prefer to gloss over the greatest gifts we have in our teams?

See that guy who has a long and painful history of struggling with porn

He's probably better equipped than you to talk to the youth about porn, lust, their impacts and God's will than you. You might be the minister with the theology degree but you're 20 years older than the people you are talking to, you've been married for most of those 20 years and consequently you can't meet the youth where they're at.

See that girl who's struggled with the eating disorder?

She's the best equipped person in your team to talk to women about body image and the way that can affect young women. She can talk to them about coping with the pressures of body image from the perspective of someone who has had to survive them. You grew up in a time when knees were scandalous.

That guy with the scars on his wrists?

Who better to talk about depression in a Christian context than someone who has and is living it? 

These people are great blessings to our ministries. But there's a cost attached. You see these people are also still fighting their various battles. They, like everyone else, need the love and support of those around them and particularly the church hierarchy. So what if she can't do Sunday school because she meets with her therapist Sunday mornings? Those meetings are helping her to recover from a life threatening illness. She has other gifts you can use. Don't dismiss her as weak!

And him? He doesn't stay around after church on Sunday nights because he takes medication for his depression which makes him tired and actually helps him sleep. Sure he's not heaps involved in your post church community but he's playing with fire skipping his meds on Friday nights so he can be up till 10:30 pastoring his youth boys and then helping to pack up afterwards.

These people are not weak, they are stronger than most, they have survived and they have come out the other side of their trials not just with their faith intact but having learnt firsthand how to do so. Their experiences give them a unique insight into what others in similar situations are going through and how best to help them. They are usually best equipped to know what to say and do and what to not say and do.

But they also need a little bit of extra love and compassion. They need flexibility with regards to where and how they use their unique gifts. We must treasure them for the blessing they are. Because they are a living, talking testament to everything we teach. They are a walking demonstration of the power, love and grace of God.

Don't waste them by sidelining them or being so rigidly unaccommodating they step down from those ministries they are doing. Let God bless your ministry through them, and do it in a way which allows them to be at their best for those ministries they do.

Besides they're not even broken, they've been made whole by the blood of Christ. We just can't see it yet

**Please note: The examples given are just that, examples. There are some ministers who are fantastic at reaching youth on these issues and I in no way wish to demean that.

“If you have a choice between being right and being love, choose the latter.”

There are many facets of life about which Christians have strong opinions.
These opinions come from our understanding of Biblical truths.

And that's good.

But often I fear that we forget that while we are called to speak the truth, we are called to do so in love.

Far too often I feel that we are far better at speaking the truth as we see it in tactlessness.

Examples of this include:

"Oh my gosh, how can anyone murder their own child?" (abortion)

"They have surrendered themselves to utter depravity of mind and soul!" (homosexuality)

"I don't understand how they can claim to know Jesus and be depressed…" (mental illness)

Is love, the gracious love of Jesus Christ, at the very heart of these statements?

I beg you, Christians of the 21st century, particularly those using the internet, think before you comment! Think of how what you're saying might come across to someone who has been through or is going through the thing that you are talking about. Think whether what you are saying is going to express your honest opinion lovingly or hurtfully.

To use abortion as an example.

I know women who have had abortions. You probably do too, even if they haven't told you about it. For some of these women, their decision was made because they felt pressured, were misinformed, or mentally in a terrible place.

The impact of their decision is ongoing. Some have suffered depression and other mental illnesses as a result of their mind tormenting them over their decision.

And then you call them a ‘murderer’.

You rub salt into an open wound.

You add to their pain and suffering.

You give them another reason to hate themselves for their decision.

I'm glad that you got your opinion out, Christian on the internet. But, unfortunately, you may well have done far more harm than good.You have taken an issue you are objectively opposed to and you have brutally cut down a subjective victim of that issue. You make them faceless, nameless, and you dismiss their plight for the sake of your being ‘Biblically correct’.

The same can be said for homosexuality. Many people with same sex attraction who attend or are involved in churches hide deep in the closet.

Why? Because they constantly see people talking about how disgusting, depraved, vile they are. They are subjected to incessant comments about how people don't understand how anyone could like "that".

The end result? You drive them out, and without even knowing that you're doing it. You drive vulnerable children of God out of your churches and into the arms of a world which does not practically (in other words, with their words and actions) hate them. I have heard Christians wax lyrical about the high rate of mental illness in the homosexual community with not a thought to the possibility that their very words might be contributing to that very struggle in a listener’s life. And this makes me want to hit you over the head with an ironing board.

I fear that this is exactly what many Christians do, albeit most of the time without even knowing (which does not make it excusable), when they start their comment wars on social media. And I know that I haven't been as tactful as I should. I am no saint. But I know firsthand the damage that can be done.

Obviously there are plenty of other examples I could use.

But hopefully you get the point from this.

So please, please, please think about the impact of what you're saying, posting, commenting before you say, post or comment it.

Rather than telling you, Christian, what you should do, I’ll leave you will a story that may (or may not) be familiar to you…

The Christians brought a woman who had just had her child aborted before their King, making her stand in front of everyone who was looking on. ‘Jesus,’ they said, ‘this woman was caught murdering her unborn child. In the Bible, it tells us that all human life is sacred and that even an unborn child is loved by God. This woman should be condemned! What do you say?’

He stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding him for an answer, so he stood and said: ‘You who has never done any wrong will be the one to condemn her first.’

Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.

When they heard this, one by one they left, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus and the woman who was to be condemned were left.

When Jesus stood up again, he said to the woman: ‘Where are they? Did not one of them condemn you?’

She answered: ‘No one, Lord.’

Jesus replied: ‘Nor do I.’

Fred Phelps: I want to party in heaven with you.

I know. It's a strange title.
Some background then before I start.

Fred Phelps was the "pastor" of the highly controversial Westboro Baptist Church. A rabidly bigoted church not affiliated with any actual denomination. Their website is godhatesfags.com and their fame comes from picketing the funerals of children, soldiers and celebrities. In all not a very nice group of people.

You might be thinking from the title of this post and my use of past tense that Fred Phelps (Snr) is deceased. You'd be wrong...possibly...subject to when you're reading this I guess.

Mr Phelps Snr is at the time of writing, seriously ill and in hospital in Kansas where his church is based, is still alive.

But he's apparently been excommunicated from the church he founded.

Some would find the irony amusing, I admit I had a chuckle.

But it says a lot about the man that his legacy is a family that choose to cut ties with an elderly and apparently very ill man who has been their leader for decades and to go as far as to excommunicate him.

The Point?

I don't hate Fred Phelps. I used to. I used to want to drop him and his family down a sinkhole and sell tickets to people to watch the whole lot of them turn on each other as they starved.

But I don't hate him anymore

Say WHAT?!?

It's true, because I realised something. As unlikely as it is, it's possible that Fred's excommunication is a result of hum truly turning to Christ and repenting of the life he has lead.

And even if it's not. I want to see Fred truly come to Christ.

Why?

Several reasons

1. God loves all people. Even those who hate him. The fact is that “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Whether I like someone or not, God thought they were worth dying for. How then can I say that they are anything less that important to God? Should I arrogantly declare my own judgement of a man I confess I have never met to be better than the judgement of God who knew him before he was born?
2. Guess who influenced the majority of the New Testament? A guy named Paul. He wrote a lot of the letters and his contemporary and personal physician, Luke, wrote two of the longest sections of the New Testament. The Books of Luke and Acts.
3. But before he became Paul, he was a Jewish teacher of the law named Saul. Who hated Christians so much that he actually asked for permission to seek out christians and have them killed. If God can save him and use him so powerfully how can we then write off anyone simply because their actions are hateful?
4. I’m just as bad as Fred.Sure I've never picketed a funeral and don't hate homosexuals at all let alone with every fibre of my public figure. But in God’s eyes I am a sinner just like Fred. The only way I can condemn him to hell is to do the same for myself. If God cannot save him then how can I believe he will save me?

Because the fact of the matter is that God is love, and he calls on us to love like Him. And it’s hard but it’s what we are called to do.

So I'm praying for Fred Phelps Senior, I pray that he will recover from his illness, that he will come to a true and saving knowledge of the Gospel and that such a change would take place in his life and heart that he, like Paul would be a powerful tool for God.

I pray that on the last day I will party in heaven with Fred Phelps.

The Grass is Brown on our side of the fence...Mostly

Church should be a place where people feel safe.

Youth group should be a place where people can be honest.

Bible Study should be a place where people don't pretend.

Prayer triplets should be a place where people can share.

Bible College should be a place where people feel accepted.

They're not.

Well… at least a lot of the time they're not.

You can scroll down to read my views on Christians playing pretend.

But this post isn't actually about those Christians.

I want to address the root cause of the Christian happy face, one reason for the high levels of undiagnosed treatable mental illnesses amongst Christians, one reason that many passionate and godly Christians walk out or fall away.

Poor community.

This is something which is becoming a bit of a soapbox for me. Why? Because I talk to a lot of Christians, some of the conversations I have are a result of my pastoral care work however more and more I am hearing from friends about the sorry state of our community.

And it saddens me, more than that, it breaks my heart.

I want to preface the rest of this post by making it clear that not all Christian community drives me to despair. I was really encouraged that, when one of the kids from a congregation I attend went missing and their pastor put it on Facebook, some 15 odd people from that congregation headed into the city to look for him. It was massively encouraging to see the community of Christ come together out of love for the boy and his family, who are their family.

I wish I heard more stories like this.

But most of the stories I hear aren't like that. For the most, part it seems that many many churches and Christian communities get community so incredibly wrong. And a major part of that is poor pastoral care. Both training in pastoral care and practice of pastoral care.

It should not be possible for someone to withdraw from a church for two months and have no one follow them up.

It should not be that when someone withdraws from people in dealing with life's curveballs that people respond by withdrawing because "You clearly don't want to be friends”.

It should not be that a member of the congregation can be sitting in a church full of people and feel completely alone.

But this is how many Christians seem to find themselves.

Alone… left out… forgotten… abandoned.

The saying goes that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. But if the grass is our community then for the most part it is brittle and brown anyway. Scorched by the sun and leached of nutrients. It lacks water, and it lacks life. Sure, we can spray paint it green but we can't hide the stinking decay that hides underneath.

Why is this the case? Well, it’s kind of obvious, Christians are broken people just like everyone else. They are sinners. Self-consumed, prideful, hateful. And when you get them together, it’s like a a stew of ugliness. That’s just how it is. But there’s more to the Gospel than just the Fall.

So what can we do? Now, here it gets tricky, because there’s a bit of a duality. On the one hand, as stated above, you have complex, wretched sinners that make up the body of Christ. On the other, you have not only the perfect example of Jesus Himself, but the power of the Holy Spirit and God’s faithfulness to His promises to enable Christians to live out that example well (John 14:15-17; 16:13). So while there’s no easy fix for this, the answer is glaringly simple, and is made up of a combination of these:

1. Push into Jesus, into who He is, the Lamb and the Shepherd, and don't pull back until your are utterly aware of your sinfulness and lostness and inability to help anyone, let alone yourself, without Him.
2. Pray that you would have His heart for the world and the people on it. ‘Break my heart for what breaks Yours, everything I am for Your Kingdom’s cause’ sort of thing. Ask Him to transform you, your way of thinking, of being.
3. And go. Motivated by His love for you, go and be love to anyone, everyone you see around you. Listen to them, laugh with them, cry with them, shout them coffee (even, no, especially when you can't really afford it), make meals, be welcoming, care for their troubles, pray for them, bless them in whatever way you can. Do what Jesus would do. Because He loves you, you can love Him and you can love them.

And in all of this, you end up realising that IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. It’s all about Jesus. Because when it’s all about Him, it’s all about the broken, and the lost, and the needy. It’s all about love, and compassion, and generosity, and kindness until it hurts. But you won’t even noticed you’re hurting because you’re too busy loving and giving and being blessed by that (that’s the amazing counterintuitive way that God works!)

Be blessed. Bless others.